you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
