now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
