i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
