So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
