just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
