well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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