you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize