$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
