I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
