Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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