I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
