OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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