When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
