Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
