Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
