i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
