i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
