I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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