sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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