Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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