Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can i not drive my cunt home
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
