Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
