I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
