She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
