There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
