Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
