I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
