I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
