Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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