You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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