I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
