plz talk dirty to me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
