"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
