can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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