how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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