Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
