I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
