You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it