I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration