how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.