I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
