Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
