Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
