U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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