I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize