Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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