Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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