ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
