Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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