the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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