I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
