I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
