she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
