This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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