woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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