Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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