in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
