i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would fuck him just for his dog
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
