she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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