Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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