Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
