well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
