You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
