either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
