U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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