I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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