How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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