WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
