Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
