the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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