She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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